


love will find a way (but I'll wait here just in case it doesn't)

by ace_waterpark (WinterSonata101)



Series: i am yuchan-biased, but ace is my bias wrecker [7]
Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gen, How Do I Tag, I changed lots of stuff don't worry, M/M, Multi, and online classes, author has no medical experience, being so melancholic, big surprise there, but only loosely follows the plot, chankwan are roomies, channie is a med student, donghun is comatose :(, happy ending but be sad first, i think im projecting on yuchan, im sorry that i made yuchan cry so much ;-;, inspired by a Hawaii Five-O episode haha, quarantine does that to you, wowkwan are soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23119567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSonata101/pseuds/ace_waterpark
Summary: a medical student volunteering at the hospital falls in love with someone who can't return it. soulmate!au.
Relationships: Kang Yuchan | Chan/Lee Donghun, Kang Yuchan | Chan/Park Junhee | Jun, Kim Byeongkwan/Kim Sehyoon | Wow
Series: i am yuchan-biased, but ace is my bias wrecker [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1527827
Comments: 14
Kudos: 35





	1. day 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: okay so originally I intended this to be short and sweet, and purely fluff, but somehow it evolved into this angst monster with small sprinkles of fluff here and there. I'm sorry, the story was writing itself I swear! But all in all, I'm pretty impressed with how it turned out. Angst isn't my strong suit, so it was quite the experience to write this.

yuchan grimaces in disgust, shoving his head under one of their many throw pillows as byeongkwan coos into the phone about love and emotions and ugh. no respect, that guy. no respect at all for soulmate-less people like him.

"yes, I love you more!... no, that's not true, i- you stop!"

another groan. yuchan holds back his desire to slap the other in fear of violent retaliation. byeongkwan pays no heed to him as he unabashedly shows off how perfect he and his soulmate are for each other, giggling like he was drunk.

"go marry that sehyoon of yours already." he groans. "you both sicken me."

again, his complaint goes ignored, and byeongkwan continues gushing away. yuchan raises his arms in defeat, questions the powers that be for his suffering, and retreats to his room. he throws himself on the bed and sighs, closing his eyes.

"at least I'll be free from that idiot once my volunteer hours start." he tries to convince himself. faintly, he hears another one of byeongkwan's lovesick giggles, and rolls his eyes. "if he weren't my friend, I would've totally defenestrated that phone... and him." he adds as an afterthought.

he checks the time, estimating about an hour until his shift starts. after a minute of deliberation, he decides to go early and get acquainted with the staff. nothing wrong with that, right? he hopes not.

he exits his room, making sure he has his volunteer tag, phone, wallet and keys as he crosses over the living room. byeongkwan is still on the phone, but he isn't talking. instead, he listens and nods with a dopey smile on his face. the sight makes yuchan sigh in exasperation and a hint of fondness. he flicks byeongkwan's forehead as farewell, ignoring his yelp, and makes his way out of the apartment.

despite it currently being midsummer, the weather is not too hot. yuchan basks in the warm sunlight, as if absorbing it for strength. once he is done, the walk to the hospital is uneventful, and the 15 minutes it takes him feels like a breeze.

making a beeline towards the reception counter, he catches the attention of the nurse and flashes his volunteer tag with a smile. "I'm kang yuchan, I applied for the volunteer program this month."

the nurse returns it in kind and types away at her computer, eyes scanning the monitor for his name. he knows she's found it when her eyes light up and her smile brightens as she turns back to him. "yep! all registered. now I just need to find a nurse who will give your assignments."

yuchan waits patiently as she pages for a 'yumi-ssi' and idly looks around the hospital. there aren't many patients around, but doctors and nurses bustle about busily all the same.

"kang yuchan-ssi?" the receptionist calls for him, and he looks at her. "yumi-ssi will join you shortly. I hope you have a good time helping out." she bows, and yuchan returns it. "thank you."

not even a minute later, he's approached by a portly but kind-looking woman with short black hair and warm eyes. "kang yuchan?" she asks. yuchan nods, and bows respectfully. "nice to meet you. I hope I will be of help today."

yumi nods approvingly. "what a polite boy. up you go, now." she straightens his waist with a laugh. yuchan really likes this woman- reminds him of his mother. "for today, I just want you to keep some of my patients company." her soft smile is a little sad. it's a smile that's well suited to her face, like she's donned it one too many times. "sometimes, that is all we can do here once medicine fails." her words carry a strange weight to it, one that makes yuchan slightly uncomfortable, but he says nothing and politely agrees.

yuchan wonders about her statement, but follows her obediently through the halls and the flights of stairs. they reach a door labelled 570. yuchan sees yumi inhale deeply, as if to find strength, before she opens the door.

"hello, donghunnie," she says as soon as she steps foot into the room."how are you doing today?" there is no reply to her question. yuchan follows silently after her.

the patient, lee donghun, lies peacefully in his bed, a multitude of wires from machines hooked into his body. his face is haggard and his hair is thin, but for a small moment yuchan thinks of him as handsome. for some odd reason, he feels his heart twinge, but casts aside the thought for future yuchan to deal with.

her back turned to him, yumi begins to speak. "donghunnie... I've been looking after him for 5 years. he's been comatose since he was admitted." she looks at yuchan over her shoulder. "the staff have all become attached to him, to be honest." her tone wistful, she arranged the sheets neatly around the unconscious male.

yuchan's eyes are wide. "5 years?" he breathes disbelievingly. "what happened to him?" yumi sighs heavily, shoulders drooping. "donghunnie was in the wrong place at the wrong time. he was a witness to a drug trade, and the culprits attempted to kill him by pushing him off a highway cliff." she smiles wryly. "I don't know how he survived falling 200 feet, but he did."

yuchan exclaims a silent "wow", the revelation casting a new light on his view of the patient. he is nothing if not a fighter. "does his family come to see him a lot?"

if it were possible, yumi seems even sadder than before. she sighs heavily. "they did... the first couple of years. however, seeing their youngest son like this broke them. his best friend visits weekly on their behalf."

satisfied with the condition of donghun's bed, she straightens up and smiles at him. it's a little strained. "I'm leaving him in your capable hands. comatose patients can hear if spoken to, so just talk to him. tell him about yourself. donghunnie used to be an amazing singer, his mother told me." she looks at donghun with a sadness in her eyes so great that if yuchan didn't know better he would think they were mother and son. "if anything happens, don't hesitate to page a nurse or doctor okay?" she reminds him.

yuchan nods affirmatively and yumi leaves the ward.

once she is gone, yuchan plops down and makes himself comfortable in the visitor's chair. "well, I suppose an introduction is in order." yuchan starts. silence greets him, but he is not one to be discouraged. "my name is kang yuchan, and I will be your companion today!" he smiles brightly. in his mind, he imagines donghun returning it, warm and happy.

yuchan leans closer and studies the patient. donghun looks sickly and frail, but yuchan knows that in the peak of his health, he is probably very handsome. he smiles to himself. "you're really something. not dying after falling 200 feet sure shows how stubborn you are." he leans back and his smile dims slightly. "if you've been fighting for so long, I'm sure it would only take a little more for you to wake up. I think we would be great friends, donghun-ssi." 

yuchan expects no answer to his statement, and allows the beeping of machines to fill the silence that ensues.

suddenly, yuchan recalls what yumi-ssi told him earlier. "oh! I was told that you are a singer. you must be really good." he remarks. "I used to sing too. I was part of the high school choir team, and I always got solo parts." he laughs lightly, remembering the times he did solo parts with fondness. it really helped with his fragile self-confidence back then. "I don't think my singing is as good as yours though. from the way yumi-ssi said it, you were exceptional."

yuchan hums a little as he thinks of topics to talk about. an admittedly silly idea pops up in his head, but it isn't like donghun could laugh at him for it."I know! why don't I sing for you?" he's actually pretty proud of himself for coming up with it. he hums in thought. "not everyday I suppose, since I have class... but I'll sing for you every time I accompany you. maybe you'll feel the urge to join me and wake up." unable to resist cracking a joke, yuchan chuckles to himself. if only miracles could happen.

he crosses his arms in contemplation, mentally sifting through a list of songs to sing. he perks up as he thinks of one. "since it's the first time, I'll sing exo's sing for you." isn't that a fitting title, he thinks in amusement.

as he settles into his seat and begins to warm up his voice, he feels a weight lifting from his shoulders, oddly enough. even so, he doesn't question it as he sings, letting warmth filter into his heart and voice. maybe it's the exhilaration of doing a good deed once in a while, since for the past months he's been busy with exams and projects. this volunteer program might do him some good after all.

hopefully, he might be able to help donghun wake up, even a little.

xxx

byeongkwan eyes him suspiciously when he returns to their shared apartment with a smile on his face. "why do you look so happy?" the tv is turned on but he's not paying attention to it, instead focusing on his roommate.

yuchan adopts an offended look as he puts his hands on his hips. "what? I can't be happy now?" 

byeongkwan rolls his eyes and turns back to the television. "I was only asking, sheesh. just in case if you murdered someone or something." yuchan sticks out his tongue at the back of his head.

"very mature, kang. very mature." byeongkwan drawls. his yuchan-is-being-a-brat senses are tingling. yuchan leaps over the couch and puts him in a headlock. "I'll show you mature-!"

byeongkwan screeches in outrage and they tussle like puppies.

x

after his classes end, yuchan finds himself thinking about donghun as he eats a sandwich at the cafeteria. his friend, junyoung, notices his daze and waves a hand in front of his face. yuchan looks at him, a little confused. "yes? what?" junyoung hides a smile. "nothing. you seem a bit out of it."

yuchan looks down. his sandwich is half-eaten but he doesn't really feel hungry. "I dunno. it's just this patient I was with the other day when I was volunteering."

junyoung perks up significantly. "ooh, someone caught your eye?" yuchan shoves him lightly, playfully indignant. "not in that way, idiot. he's comatose." at this, junyoung winces slightly. "ah. sorry." yuchan smiles wryly. "it's fine. his name is lee donghun. he's been in a coma for 5 years."

junyoung's expression causes yuchan to laugh lightly. "yeah, I know right? he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and some people didn't want him to talk about what he saw so they tried to get rid of him." he eyes his sandwich before offering it to his friend. "joke's on them, he survived. but..." yuchan looks away. he bites his lip. "I don't think he'll ever wake up, though I really want him to."

junyoung nodded sympathetically, chewing on the sandwich. "so you're going to go see him after this?" he asks. "I would join you, but I have a few more classes." yuchan shakes his head. "it's fine. I'll take you to see him some other day." yuchan stands up, his iced tea in one hand, and starts for the exit.

"well make sure to send him my regards." junyoung requests. "oh, and thanks for the sandwich!"

x

at the hospital, once he is registered and yumi-ssi had once more left donghun in his company, yuchan ponders what to talk about. he has two hours to fill. idly swirling his iced tea, he recounts his day.

"I was with my friend junyoung today. we had lunch together." he starts, shifting in the uncomfortable visitor's chair. it's a little wobbly and worn from all the years it has served at the hospital. "I told him about you, and I think I'll bring him here to meet you sometime. you'll like him since he's super friendly. he couldn't make it today, but he sends his regards." setting his iced tea on the bedside table, yuchan leans back and stares at the ceiling.

"I can't imagine being in your place, donghun-ssi. five years passing without being able to do anything..." he closes his eyes. "I'm sorry you had to go through this. it's not fair for you. those people that hurt you..." his sentence trails off in a shaking sigh. "I hope they get what they deserve." he chances a peek at donghun.

the man sleeps on soundly, his heart beating at a steady pace. yuchan watches him for a while. "I wonder what you dream of." yuchan smiles. "do you really hear my voice? are you dreaming of me?" chuckling lightly, yuchan paws for his drink and sips from it. he gestures to donghun with his straw. "when you wake up, let's go have ice cream together. we can go watch a movie or something, and I'll sing for you at the karaoke. maybe we could even do a duet together?"

the image of donghun, happy and smiling and most importantly awake, makes something in yuchan's chest stir. he squashes the something and continues to sip his iced tea. donghun's comatose company was making him weird, he reasons to himself. nothing out of the ordinary.

the noisy slurps of his drink served as white noise alongside the beeps of heart monitors and the muted clicks of heels beyond the ward. yuchan puts down his tea and cups his chin in his palm, adopting a contemplative pose. he bites his lip before he speaks up.

"have you ever wondered about how the whole soulmate thing works?" he questions. "like, isn't it weird that you have that one person somewhere in the world who would find you in some crazy, unthinkable way and be absolutely perfect for you from first sight?" 

yuchan envies byeongkwan and sehyoon. having found each other just over two weeks ago, the pair were all over each other and couldn't stand being apart. even with sehyoon currently in new york for a business meeting, he is almost always on the phone with byeongkwan if not video calling him. 

yuchan imagines that he would project the videos in his meetings if he could, to be honest. he sounded just as smitten as his roommate is, from all their unnecessarily sappy and disgustingly sweet interactions he had unknowingly stumbled upon.

the story of how they met is one that he has memorized word for word by now with how many times byeongkwan had screeched in his ear about it. 

every soulmate pair had a unique way of communicating, or cluing in each other's identities. for byeongkwan and sehyoon, they were one of the lucky few that were able to read each other's writings on their skin. 

byeongkwan had been hanging out in his usual haunt -the cat cafe down the street- and scrawling a cat emoji on his arm when he saw a guy hunched over a laptop with headphones in his ears, look at his own arm at the same time. the guy, not knowing the chaos he was about to unleash into his life, pulled back his sleeve, showing the exact same cat emoji on byeongkwan's arm.

byeongkwan being byeongkwan, in all his tactless glory, marched right up to him and announced for all the cafe to hear: "HEY YOU'RE MY SOULMATE". 

needless to say, there was a lot of running away, chasing, apologizing and yuchan being forced to listen to byeongkwan's whining before sehyoon finally admitted how in love he was.

chaotic first meeting or not, yuchan still envies them. at least they did find each other. him on the other hand... still no soulmate in sight.

yuchan puffs his cheeks and blows a raspberry. "I mean, it's not like I haven't tried. I wrote on my arm since I was 10 and no one ever wrote back. I tried to find if I had any discerning marks on my body but there were none. I've never experienced someone else's sense like sight, hearing or taste, and I definitely don't have any names or quotes on my body." he slumps. "what else is there to try?"

unfortunately for him, donghun doesn't have any answers, and yuchan is left to stew in his self deprecation. "at least you don't need to think about finding your soulmate for now." he grumbles. sometimes he wishes he doesn't care so much about finding his soulmate, but yuchan can't deny that he's a romantic at heart. he wants to have what all the soulmate pairs have, too.

yuchan decides the song of the day is ed sheerans's "perfect", just because it's a very soulmate-y song and he wants to torture himself a bit. honestly, the lyrics are just rubbing salt in his wound. 

as he sings, he sees donghun's hand twitch slightly, and his own hand reflexively curls around it. surprised at the action, yuchan could only gasp, abruptly ending his song. he stares at his traitorous hand and hurriedly snatches it back. it feels unnaturally warm.

the twinge in his chest starts up again. yuchan leaps out of his seat and stutters a quick goodbye, taking his iced tea with him as he flies out the door, down the stairs, and makes it out of the hospital in record time. he should probably inform the receptionist of his hasty retreat, but he feels inexplicably shaken and wishes desperately to be in his comfortable bed.

his hand still feels like it burns.

x

darkness surrounds him. there is no up or down, and yuchan cannot tell if he is standing or floating. not knowing what to do, yuchan simply walks.

he walks, and walks, and walks, observing the unending darkness that seemed so solid and yet so abstract at the same time. he is about to reach out and try touching his surroundings when suddenly, there are voices. voices so loud that they ring in his ears. but they sink and float, muffled like he is underwater.

"-get the briefcase?"

"-someone's outside-"

"-doesn't escape-"

"-rid of him!"

something pushes against him. yuchan is hit by a strong sense of vertigo as the solid darkness under his feet falls away into nothing.

then, pain explodes all over his body. yuchan screams.


	2. if these crazy days become yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soulmates and serendipity go hand in hand.

as a child, yuchan had never been one to suffer from nightmares. he slept very soundly in the comfort of his teddy bears and favorite blanket, and was too much of a heavy sleeper to wake up from things that go bump in the night. it was a quality that his parents had been very grateful for, saving them the trouble of coaxing him back to sleep after jolting awake like the rest of his siblings.

for the first time in his life, yuchan is forced awake by phantom pains in his bones and the back of his head that felt too real to pass off as a simple nightmare. he gasps for breath as he sits up, eyes wide and unseeing. the worn and well-loved blanket that used to provide him comfort pools uselessly around his waist. yuchan runs a restless hand through his hair, matted from sweat.

"what was _that_?" he whispers weakly to himself.

goosebumps pebble the flesh of his arms despite the relatively warm temperature. there's a nagging feeling at the back of his mind telling him he's missing something important, and for once he stops to listen.

nightmares had never occured to him before. at least, even if they had he never reacted to violently to them. yuchan lets himself fall heavily to his bed, staring at the ceiling with an intensity that would burn a hole through if it could. he purses his lips, thinking hard.

from the corner of his eye, he sees his favorite teddy bear mr. peanut smiling happily back at him. he reaches out and pulls it into a hug, feeling seven years old again.

yesterday, he'd done nothing out of the ordinary, except for starting his volunteer program. he had met donghun, talked to him for a bit, and then sang for him, and then...

yuchan pauses. _something_ had urged him to touch donghun's hand, a little less primal than instinct but less logically sound than his mind. he can't seem to describe it as anything other than a strong feeling, like it would be _wrong_ if he didn't reach out and touch donghun at that very moment. the inhibitions that held him back from touching people without permission had disappeared, leaving only the strong need to feel the warmth of donghun's hand in his.

it was a little calloused, but fit so perfectly in his own that his heart had stuttered. those precious two seconds seemed to last for a lifetime until he snapped back to his senses and pulled his hand away.

he buries his face further into mr. peanut's fur, smelling like his comforter and fresh laundry. it could've been a coincidence, he tries to tell himself. soulmates aren't the only thing science can't explain. maybe this is just another mystery the universe wants to keep a secret.

what if donghun already has a soulmate? what if this was all in his head, and he was just so sick and tired of being alone that his own mind played tricks on him to make him feel a little less pathetic?

he doesn't want to set himself up for heartbreak. yuchan grips his chest, trying to tell his heart to stop pounding at the thought of seeing donghun again. that it was all just a silly little daydream of his, or him being tired and lonely. donghun is not his soulmate.

and yet, his heart aches painfully, yearns for something it can't have.

even if he is, yuchan thinks morosely, it's not like he can confirm it. donghun's been comatose for five years, he won't wake up anytime soon.

despite his best efforts, hope still blooms in his chest. dangerous, traitorous hope, one that would be crushed the moment he and donghun lock eyes for the first time and realize no, they're not soulmates-

something in his chest cracks at the thought. he gulps and clenches his eyes shut, hoping to find a few more hours of dreamless sleep.

donghun's comatose. the people who caused him to be that way are still out there. yuchan can't be selfish and hope for the impossible right now, so he swallows the bitterness of reality and forcefully shoves his silly hopes into a cage at the back of his mind.

if, and it's a very big if, donghun ever wakes up, he'll dare to dream. as for now, he'll provide what he can and help in any way possible. donghun deserves at  
least that.

X

surprisingly, junyoung is free from any evening classes the next day, and agrees to yuchan's invitation to visit donghun during their usual lunch. they're sat facing each other at the table they had long claimed, yuchan with two slices of pizza and junyoung with a bowl of udon.

"so, tell me more about this lee donghun." junyoung begins, breaking apart his chopsticks with practiced ease. yuchan has never been able to do it cleanly, and chunks of wood always split off. "what food does he like? what did he do before?"

hearing donghun's name makes memories from last night stir in his mind, and his heart rate picks up. he smiles nervously, and shoves a bite of pizza into his mouth to delay his answer.

junyoung however, knows him too well and patiently waits for him, a knowing glint in his eye. he slurps some noodles and points at him with the chopsticks, chewing noisily. "you're hiding something from me. you think I don't notice these things?" he smirks, cheeks rounded with food.

yuchan pauses his vigorous chewing, three quarters of his slice already gone. he looks away like a guilty puppy, and junyoung crows in triumph, taking a celebratory bite of his udon. yuchan would like nothing more than to wipe the smugness off his face. junyoung's annoying chopstick-waving starts up again, punctuating every word.

"tell me everything, yuchan. every. single. detail."

yuchan swallows his pizza and sips at his banana milk before sighing. "I can never hide anything from you, can I?" defeatedly, he begins telling junyoung about his nightmare, which makes him raise his brows. "that's strange. you're a really heavy sleeper and your mom told me you never get nightmares." he comments. yuchan nods in agreement.

junyoung's statement causes doubt to rise in his mind, and hope rises alongside it. yuchan forces it down into submission. it's too early to tell, it could easily be coincidence, he repeats like a mantra.

junyoung then seems to have lost interest in the topic, and instead bombards him with questions about donghun that he answers to the best of his ability. which isn't much, since he only has what yumi-ssi said to answer with, but he tries his best. when lunch break is over, yuchan tells junyoung to meet him at his apartment around 4.00 p.m., before they both head separate ways to their respective classes.

X

yuchan comes home to byeongkwan playing rock-paper-scissors with sehyoon over facetime, and smiles to himself at their antics. he takes off his shoes before loudly announcing "I'm home!" since lord knows how those two get lost in their own world and pay attention to little else when they're with each other.

byeongkwan turns in his chair and beckons him over to sit at the tiny table for two with him. yuchan obliges, setting his heavy bag on the floor by his feet. he greets sehyoon with a friendly grin, scooting his chair next to byeongkwan's. "hi sehyoon-hyung. everything good over there?"

sehyoon pulls a face and makes a so-so motion with his hands. "could be better, but I'll live. how are you doing with your studies?" he asks, voice tinny with static. the video lags a bit and glitches before it runs smoothly again. yuchan folds his arms on the table and lays his head on it, pouting at sehyoon. "tired. finals are coming soon, and my gpa dropped a bit."

byeongkwan harrumphs from beside him. "well you were procrastinating your projects to play overwatch, so it's all your fault." yuchan scowls at being wrongfully exposed and shoves him playfully. "and you were my enabler! I remember you even staying up with me some nights and forgetting to hand in your own assignments on time!" he accuses. byeongkwan flushes in embarrassment as sehyoon laughs from the other line.

"that was one time!"

"you two are such a handful." sehyoon says, his smile filled with amusement. yuchan and byeongkwan stick their tongues out simultaneously at him, sending him into another giggling fit. byeongkwan's pout lasts for three seconds before he breaks down laughing too with yuchan.

once they've all calmed down, sehyoon looks at his watch and purses his lips, disappointed. "well, I have to go for now. breaks over- I'll see you two soon." he says. byeongkwan blows him a kiss, making him blush and smile shyly, as yuchan waves exuberantly. the screen turns black as sehyoon ends the call, and byeongkwan closes the app and slides his phone into his pocket.

"hyung seemed extra busy today. big project?" yuchan asks curiously. byeongkwan puffs his cheeks, exhaling slowly. he looks a little disappointed. "yep. he says the artist he's currently working with refuses to fly to new york because he has 'something to do', and won't tell him what. it's driving him mad."

"oh, what a jerk." yuchan wrinkles his nose. "who is he?" his roommate shrugs offhandedly, already turning to the kitchen. "dunno. some big name in the industry. park something?"

yuchan tries to think of anyone with the name but doesn't come up with anything. instead, he joins byeongkwan in their kitchenette and makes a peanut butter sandwich.

byeongkwan is rapidly emptying a packet of chips, crumbs falling from his mouth and hands onto the marble counter. yuchan squints at the packaging. a realization dawns on him.

"wait... are those my special barbeque chips? the ones for my drama-binge weekends?" byeongkwan freezes, and yuchan cocks his hips. "the ones _you_ said you didn't like?"

byeongkwan smiles guiltily. "yours seemed especially yummy."

yuchan awards him a chokehold for his trouble.

X

at 4.00 the doorbell rings, indicating junyoung's arrival. yuchan gets the door and welcomes him in, quickly hurrying back to the kitchen to return to what he had been doing.

"what do you have there?" junyoung asks curiously, trailing after him like a puppy. yuchan snaps on the lid of a container filled with some sandwiches and grabs the thermos of tea, neatly arranging them in a small tote bag. "some snacks. I'm feeling a little hungry today."

he glares when junyoung snorts at that. "you're hungry all the time."

"like you're any better? I'm a growing boy, you know." yuchan quips smartly, handing the tote bag to junyoung, who takes it reluctantly. "well I don't see any difference in size." he replies. yuchan doesn't pause as they make their way to the front door, but shoots him another quick but scathing glare which pulls a grin from his friend.

"by the way, where's byeongkwan? didn't hear or see a thing from him inside." junyoung asks as yuchan locks the door. yuchan pockets his keys, turning to junyoung with a deadpan expression. "he's moping in his room since sehyoon's too busy to facetime him for hours on end."

the way junyoung struggles to smother his laugh coaxes a smile from him, and their 15-minute walk to the hospital passes peacefully.

they're let up shortly by the receptionist, who also tacks on that there's another visitor already there. yuchan raises his brows in surprise, before recalling yumi-ssi's words.

"oh yeah, she did say that his best friend visits weekly." yuchan muses.

"really? that's good. at least there's people who care for him." junyoung remarks as they take the stairs to donghun's ward. many nurses pass by, bearing clipboards and charts, but yuchan can't seem to spot yumi-ssi among them.

yuchan somewhat confidently leads them to donghun's ward, opening the door with a small dose of hesitation. he pokes his head in, ignoring junyoung's strange look, and tries to spy for donghun's alleged best friend.

the ward looks exactly as it did the day before, when he left in such a hurry. the only thing out of place is the slouched figure of a man seated next to the bed, his upper body laying on donghun's bed. he seems to be sleeping peacefully.

yuchan looks back at junyoung and puts a finger to his lips, and he nods quietly. they both creep silently into the ward, closing the door with nary a click.

"should we wake him up?" junyoung asks, eyes trained carefully on the stranger. yuchan's about to answer, when he sees the overnight bag thrown haphazardly next to the bed, and a tray of half-eaten food on the bedside table. yuchan tilts his head, lips curling in sympathy.

"probably not, he seems really tired."

just as he says that, an obnoxious alarm goes off, and yuchan snaps his head towards junyoung accusingly. " _what_? it wasn't me!" he whispers harshly, before pointedly looking at the vibrating phone on the bedside table.

they both freeze when the mystery man groans and lifts his head, unmoving for a few moments, before blearily reaching over and silencing the alarm. yuchan doesn't dare to even breathe too loud as he drops his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up.

yuchan, having had enough of the suspense, decides it's time to interject. "um, excuse us sir. we're here to visit lee donghun."

that seems to shock the man into full awareness as he yelps and turns around, eyes wide and mouth agape. he's also dramatically holding his chest, breathing heavily from surprise.

it takes a second for yuchan to recognize the very handsome man, looking different than the picture perfect shots he's used to seeing in countless magazines and dramas.

his black hair, usually flawlessly styled into his signature parted hairstyle, is a mess of spikes and flyaways, and his face is bare of any makeup. he looks so normal that yuchan almost believes he's dreaming.

the man's rapid breaths slowly calm down, and he breathes a sigh of relief. "oh, you surprised me. I'm so sorry for my rudeness." he stand up and bows quickly, self-consciously patting down his hair into something less ridiculous. yuchan is still starstruck, but junyoung seems to have collected himself much quicker.

"I can't believe this! I actually got to meet _the_ park junhee." he says excitedly, visibly restraining himself from invading the star's space. "my name is lee junyoung; I'm a huge fan of the last drama you shot, also congratulations for your award!" junhee smiles awkwardly at that, and bows again, thanking him with a humble smile.

yuchan shakes himself, still a little starstruck, but doesn't want to make it uncomfortable for junhee. he can fanboy over junhee's role in his favourite drama later.

"It's a great pleasure to meet you, junhee-ssi! I'm kang yuchan." he bows. junhee bows back, still smiling a bit awkwardly. "the pleasure is all mine. I'm sorry that you had to see me in such a... um, _surprising_ condition."

even without glamorous makeup and designer outfits, junhee looks good. _very_ good. yuchan envies his innate ability to be so good-looking. "no it's alright, you still look very handsome!" yuchan blurts. he slaps a hand over his mouth in horror, only fuelled by junhee's blush and junyoung's teasing smirk.

"ah, thank you." junhee clears his throat. no one knows what to say next, so they stew in awkward silence for a while until junhee scrambles to invite them to sit down in the additional chairs.

there's another bout of silence before yuchan speaks up, hesitant. "have you eaten, junhee-ssi?"

yuchan watches the way his face grows blank, not expecting the way his stomach growls as if only remembering that he hasn't eaten yet. yuchan and junyoung grin in unison, smiles threatening to split their faces.

junhee covers his rapidly reddening face, making an embarrassed keening sound that has yuchan internally dying from laughter. he politely smooths his expression into a neutral one and takes the tote bag from junyoung, offering it to him.

"we have some food if you want. you seem to need it more than us."

junhee looks like he wants to protest, but he takes one look at the cold, unappetizing half-eaten food on the bedside table and gratefully accepts the container of sandwiches. the first bite he takes is slow and measured, but it slowly grows faster as he realizes how hungry he actually is.

"sorry for asking," junyoung pipes in, "but why do you have an overnight bag? did something happen to donghun-ssi?"

yuchan, who had been entranced with watching the superstar eat so normally, snaps out of his daze. he nods along to junyoung's question, not trusting himself to speak.

junhee makes a sound, unintelligible with his mouth full of food, and finishes chewing and swallowing before he answers. "the hospital called me yesterday. they said that hyung's blood glucose levels rose yesterday, higher than it's ever been in the last 5 years."

yuchan freezes. every word junhee says makes his stomach grow heavier.

"survaillence cameras also showed that he cried in his sleep, after a visitor left in a hurry. that reminds me," junhee raises a brow at yuchan, who smiles nervously. he feels like he's being berated by his dad for some reason.

"I knew you looked familiar. Why did you run away yesterday?"

yuchan prays for strength as even junyoung slowly turns to him, surprise evident on his features. "you didn't tell me this? not cool, bro."

junhee squints at his uneasy laugh, but graciously lets the matter go for the time being. "I'll get that out of you later. anyway, I cancelled my flight and came here as soon as I could to see if he would show any more signs of waking up. I intended to leave early this morning, but I overslept. I'll be leaving by midnight for work." junhee explains lengthily, chewing morosely at his sandwich. "my manager is really angry but there's nothing to do about it. I'll just deal with the consequences."

belatedly, yuchan realizes that the awkwardness has dissipated between the three of them. junhee's shoulders are slouched, junyoung has uncrossed his feet and yuchan himself has stopped crossing his arms at some point. he's not sure how to feel about it, but doesn't question it.

"don't think you're off the hook yet, yuchan-ssi." junhee's velvet voice pulls him from his thoughts. "why did you run away yesterday? you left the stove on?" junhee's dry smile makes yuchan stumble over his own words trying to explain while junyoung wheezes quietly to himself, enjoying his misery.

"well. um, it's hard to explain." yuchan starts, pausing between words. he really doesn't know how to put it in a plausible way. how would junhee react to him saying he felt a strong urge to hold donghun's hand? at worst, issue a restraining order. at best, he'd just look at him strangely and move on. would it be better to keep it a secret or to tell him outright?

he flounders for a few moments, before blurting the first excuse that came to mind. "my professor, um, called me... uh, for... assignments! yes, he did!" he tries to say as confidently as he could, wincing inwardly at the many pauses between his words.

he falters when he feels two disappointed gazes boring into his soul.

"chan-ah. do you think we're stupid?" junyoung asks plainly. junhee frowns slightly. "I'm no lie detector but even I know you're lying. tell me the truth, yuchan-ssi." his eyes lock with yuchan's, imploring. he doesn't seem angry.

yuchan purses his lips, hesitant, and nearly cries in relief when junhee's phone rings to save him. junhee looks back and forth between him and the phone, debating whether it's worth his manager's wrath to pry out some answers, but finally decides against it and picks up the phone with much reluctance.

his eyes never leave yuchan's as he answers the call, calculating and a little wary. yuchan fiddles with his thumbs, as junyoung drums his fingers on his knee out of habit.

"hello? yes, I'm sorry about that. donghun- no, he's fine. his blood sugar is rising, so they called me up. yes I know, I already booked the flight. midnight. I have eyes, I can read, noona." junhee cracks a smile, but it dies down fairly quickly.

"tell the producer I'll be there tomorrow. yeah... sorry, noona. I didn't mean to land you in trouble. you know how I am when it comes to donghun-hyung. yes. ...okay. I'll meet you at the airport then. take care, noona."

junhee sighs softly as he ends the call, and turns to look at yuchan and junyoung. "I'll have to leave soon. I trust you two to watch over him for me. yuchan-ssi, I hope I'll get to know the truth someday." he gives them both a small smile, which they return gingerly.

junhee picks up his bag and throws away the leftover food from yesterday, and bows shortly to them. "it was a pleasure to meet you both. I'll be going now." he says, mask and baseball cap on.

they politely return his bow, and watch silently as he exits the ward with brisk steps. silence stretches between them two before junyoung places a hand on his shoulder, turning to face him with a serious expression.

"yuchan. the truth, now."

his stomach does a nervous flip as he nods, unsure. he's guided back into his seat, junyoung's hand anchoring him to reality. he inhales deeply before he finally answers.

"yesterday, I had been visiting donghun-ssi as usual. I sang a song for him, when suddenly I felt this... strong urge to hold his hand." yuchan holds up his hands, frustrated with himself. he sounds silly. "I instinctively did, and when our hands touched, they burned. junnie, I felt so weird that time." he clicks his tongue, dropping his hands in his lap, unwilling to see what kind of expression junyoung is wearing then.

junyoung doesn't speak for a few moments, but when he does it makes yuchan startle slightly. "yuchan, you know what that could mean right?" his voice is gentle, having lost all the steel it had when he was trying to get yuchan to tell the truth earlier.

he sags in his seat. "yes, I know. but I don't want to believe it. donghun-ssi doesn't even know who I am. what if this is just a big coincidence?"

"are you kidding me?" junyoung grumbles disbelievingly. "yuchan-ah, soulmates are all about coincidence. red strings of fate and all that. it's a serendipitous meeting every time. true soulmates meet when they're not actively looking for each other." his hand, large and warm and familiar, lands again on yuchan's trembling shoulder.

"you might have just found yours."

X

junyoung takes his leave early because his soulmate called up earlier, happily announcing dinner plans and whatnot. yuchan had waved off his guilty look, saying "go spend time with her, I'll be fine. I need some alone time to think anyway."

yuchan sits quietly at donghun's bedside, tracing his peaceful features with his eyes. the stark white hospital sheets serve to make him look sicklier than he already does, washing out his bronzed skin with a pale glow. "donghun-ssi. can you hear me?" yuchan asks, gingerly taking the elder's hand in his.

it fits just as perfectly as it did the first time, and yuchan can almost physically feel his tension melt away.

it's hard to describe what he's feeling. the closest he can think of is warm, like hugging his mother, but with a lot more heartburn and some hybrid of longing and joy. it feels like home.

"I don't know why I feel like I know you. I don't understand why this comforts me." he grips donghun's hand tighter. "If you wake up- no." yuchan manages a soft smile through his heartache, clinging to positive thoughts and possibilities. "when you wake up, please help me understand."

after much deliberation, yuchan drops a quick kiss on his knuckle, lips tingling with warmth and something faintly familiar. a song unconsciously bubbles from his chest, and he goes along with it, gently swaying with donghun's hand in his hold.

_If it was you_   
_How would it be_   
_If these crazy days became yours?_

_If you break down as much as me_   
_Will you know?_   
_All the pain that fills me_   
_To the point where my heart is about to explode_   
_How much I want you_

_If it was you_   
_I would just love me_

"figures that hyung's soulmate would be a singer too." a voice chuckles from behind him.

yuchan squeaks, broken from the mood of the song, and turns back to see a familiar man smiling down at him. "junhee-ssi! what are you doing here?" he yelps nervously, letting go of donghun's hand as trepidation builds in his body.

junhee walks over to the bedside table and picks up a phone lying there innocently. "I forgot my phone. only realized it when I was halfway to the airport."

yuchan notes that he looks a little more polished, with his hair neatly brushed and a touch of makeup to cover up any blemishes that dared to mar his skin. "oh. uh, how much of that did you hear?" yuchan asks, cheeks heating up with shame. he doesn't know what to be more embarrassed about- junhee finding out about the weird thing he feels with donghun or junhee finding out he sings to donghun.

junhee tilts his head, black bangs falling perfectly into his eyes. a toothy, handsome grin pulls at his lips. it looks so fit to be in a drama that yuchan feels his heart thumping a little harder. "enough. why didn't you tell me you're his soulmate?"

yuchan clenches his jaw, tension wracking his body.

"because I don't know if I am!" he shoots back, defensive for some reason. he doesn't want to go around calling comatose people his soulmate, thank you very much. what basis does he have to even consider the possibility of being donghun's soulmate? dreams are tricks of the mind. it's not solid proof.

"how do I know with absolute certainty that he's my soulmate? he can't confirm it for me. no one can. all I have is stupid nightmares and what ifs." he hisses bitterly.

junhee is so quiet after his outburst that yuchan half-expects him to have left. he's proven wrong when the other male instead sits heavily on the vacant chair next to him. he sees junhee turn to him from his periphery, and doesn't do the same. his posture stays tense and guarded, mortified that he'd let a complete stranger, one he admires even, see the vulnerable side of him.

junhee's sigh is loaded with unspoken words. yuchan doesn't bother deciphering it. he just wants to be left alone with his thoughts, and donghun's silent company.

he chances a look at the clock. 5.45.

"visitor hours are ending soon. what are you still doing here? won't your manager get angry again?" yuchan asks testily, still avoiding junhee's eyes.

"I've known donghun-hyung forever. he's a fighter." junhee says suddenly, completely ignoring whatever yuchan said. yuchan frowns. "he's been fighting for the last five years. now, I think, he has an even bigger reason to wake up soon."

junhee's intense stare bores into yuchan, who squirms in his seat. "yuchan-ssi. my instincts are rarely wrong. have faith in him. he'll come back to us soon, I just know it." the words hit him hard. junhee doesn't know it, but he said everything yuchan didn't know he needed to hear.

junhee is a stranger. yuchan only knows him through his roles in dramas and whatever tidbits of info he allows in magazines, not personally. but in that moment, he offers comfort like a longtime friend, and yuchan can't help but let himself fall apart knowing he can trust him.

the scent of expensive cologne surrounds him as he is enveloped in a comforting hug, tears soaking into junhee's day-old coat and sobs being muffled into his chest. with each tear that falls, yuchan feels the tiniest bit lighter.

for a stranger, junhee's hugs are very nice.

X


	3. palace of dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuchan falls asleep to the sound of junhee's tinkling laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i actually updated :/
> 
> omg ya'll are so sweet with the comments ;-; i do not deserve this, im pulling these scenes out of my ass and hoping they make sense but people actually like it and i am... overwhelmed.
> 
> im hoping to end this at around 5 chapters because i suck at plot, and also just suck in general.
> 
> thank you for all the support, i hope you all enjoy! this is slightly shorter than usual but i felt it was appropriate to end here.

X

Yuchan falls asleep to the sound of junhee’s tinkling laughter.

X

college is dreadful. studying psychology in college is even more so, and yuchan feels very strongly about this at the very moment. he’s been trying to understand the same paragraph for 15 minutes, rereading it over and over, but he can’t seem to compute it. the words are jumbling up in his mind, coagulating into a giant mess of ink blobs and illegible script.

he realizes why when he squints at the clock displayed on his phone, wincing as he realizes it’s already hours past midnight. he’s going to feel awful tomorrow.

yuchan reluctantly closes the textbook, thicker than his arm, and sets it heavily on the desk. he crawls miserably over to bed, sighing in relief when warm, toasty blankets welcome him into a much-awaited embrace.

just as he’s about to drift off to sleep, a traitorous thought pops up in his mind, plants its feet and refuses to leave.

‘what if I get a nightmare again?’

anxiety curls in his stomach, settling like a stone sinking into a river, unable to be moved.

it’s silly, to be worried about something like that. as a psychology student, yuchan should know better. dreams and nightmares are just tricks of the mind. but he can’t seem to forget the too-real feeling of falling from unimaginable heights, the absolute pain that followed it, and the possibility that he might’ve been experiencing someone else’s memories. yuchan knows for sure that he can’t have imagined up something he’s never experienced before, unless he’s been subconsciously falling off cliffs and breaking his body for giggles.

try as he might, yuchan can’t magically delete his train of thoughts, and sleep continues to evade him. he bores frustrated holes into his ceiling, surprised that it hasn’t caught fire yet with the intensity of his stare.

yuchan snatches mr. peanut from his headboard and looks deeply into his eyes. eyes he’s seen since childhood, unchanged by time. a little less glossy than it was years ago but still the same eyes of his beloved mr peanut.

“is donghun my soulmate?” yuchan asks blearily, voice rough and thoughts racing. he can’t seem to stop talking, now that he’s started. “of all the ways to meet my soulmate, he just had to be comatose. for five years at that. how unlucky am I, mr peanut?”

peanut’s silence reminds him of donghun, lying still on his hospital bed, hanging on to life with flimsy wires and machines and the only response he can give is the steady beep beep beep of his heart monitor. he’s reminded of donghun’s tawny hair, roots showing up black since he can’t continue dyeing it, in the warm brown of mr. peanut’s fur. he thinks of the hospital staff who have grown attached to the anomaly of a patient who doesn’t regain consciousness even five years after he was first admitted.

“I’ve been waiting all my life to find my soulmate. isn’t it funny that the one person who might be it, isn’t able to confirm it?” he continues, smiling wanly.

junhee’s words come to mind, unbidden. he had spent a night at donghun’s ward, excited that his best friend’s blood sugar levels were rising for the first time in a while. donghun had cried in his sleep after yuchan left, he said. junhee, who comforted him despite being a stranger. junhee, who is wholly confident that donghun is yuchan’s soulmate, and would wake up for yuchan.

yuchan lets mr. peanut fall to the bed and pulls out his laptop, having given up on sleep. his mind is too loud in the suffocating silence of his room.

he opens a tab with junhee’s latest drama, and settles more comfortably into his pillow as the intro plays, the singer’s voice lilting and pretty around lyrics depicting wistful memories.

the episode begins with a shot of junhee waking up in the morning, and yuchan snorts to himself as he rises without a hair out of place. having seen him at the hospital earlier -still surreal, by the way- he knows it’s a far cry from reality. junhee is just as human as the rest of them, and waking up with horrible bed hair proves it.

he doesn’t realize his eyes are drooping as the episode progresses. The last thing he hears before he drifts off is junhee’s ridiculous but pretty laugh, making him crack an involuntary smile.

X

the surroundings aren’t black like last time. now, it’s an infinite stretch of white, a blank canvas waiting for an artist’s touch. there’s no one else around, and he can’t tell up from down and left from right.

yuchan cautiously looks around. it’s eerily silent, but he can feel the gravity of something coming.

his breath catches in his throat when he turns and sees a smiling child version of junhee, bursting with youth and energy and grabbing his hand with reckless abandon. he looks young, carefree and nothing like the star he is now.

“hyung, hyung, come on! I told you my mom doesn’t mind when you come over!” junhee’s voice is squeaky and high pitched, like any other kid his age. his eyes crinkle at the ends as he smiles that brilliant toothy smile of his. the whiteness around them doesn’t change, but yuchan feels himself moving. It’s strange.

suddenly, in the blink of an eye, he’s in a neighborhood with warm late morning sunlight beating down on him, and junhee’s slowed down to a lazy jog, their hands still joined. yuchan then realizes how small and skinny junhee is in his oversized shirt and baggy shorts, and he isn’t any bigger by comparison.

junhee leads the both of them to a quaint corner lot, where a woman is watering some plants. she turns and looks at them, and yuchan sees junhee in her smile.

“you brought donghunnie home again, sweetheart?” she says, setting down her watering can. she kisses both of their foreheads, gentle and kind. “his ma won’t really like you kidnapping her son so often, you know.”

“it’s not kidnapping!” junhee insists, marching them to the patio, where a tray of cookies await. “he said yes, and his ma too, so there!”

yuchan’s body pilots itself into a seat, automatically reaching for a cookie. It smells absolutely amazing. his legs swing back and forth on the chair as he nibbles away at his treat.

junhee’s mom returns with two cups of milk for them, and junhee downs his eagerly. once finished, he urges yuchan (donghun?) to finish quickly too. “mom bought an electronic keyboard! she’s taught me a few songs, so I wanna play them for you.” he explains, bouncing in his seat. he’s overflowing with energy, not quite able to sit still. it’s a contrast to yuchan (or the body he seems to have possessed at least) who is calm and rather reserved for a child.

yuchan’s cookie quickly disappears (he’s disappointed that he doesn’t really taste it), along with the milk, and he snags another cookie before he’s herded inside by tiny junhee.

two energetic puppies greet them as they enter, barking and yapping endlessly for attention. junhee shooes them away, pouting, and his attention is temporarily diverted from yuchan (donghun?). yuchan’s eyes take in the cozy living room, with its worn sofa, scratched coffee table, and multitudes of family photos.

junhee smiling. junhee frowning. junhee running, junhee swimming. a picture of him and his two sisters together, identical smiles and twinkling eyes.

he hears junhee’s voice calling for him –“hyung, over here!”- and follows it.

when he blinks, the ground is further away than before. junhee is taller, broader, a little more like polished actor park junhee and a little less carefree youth. he’s talking, but words don’t register because his heart is beating erratically for some reason, and he feels flustered.

yuchan realizes what it is when thoughts of warmth and love and affection flood his mind. the irrational shyness, the feeling of wanting junhee to only smile his way. the itch to hold his hand.

lee donghun is in love with park junhee.

X

yuchan feels like a zombie. going back to sleep seems nigh impossible after the dream slash memory, and he doesn’t know what to think.

lee donghun, someone he’s starting to consider the possibility of being his soulmate, is or was in love with park junhee. maybe it was in the past, before junhee hit it big in the acting industry. maybe he still is in love with him. either way, yuchan wants to cry.

he stubbornly refuses to let the tears fall, though, instead wiping them away roughly with his sleeve.

you don’t know for sure. you don’t know anything for sure until donghun himself tells you, stop worrying.

the words play on repeat in his head, a cruelly kind mantra that lulls him back into a fitful sleep laden with unwanted feelings.

X

“I can’t believe it was possible, but you look even worse than yesterday.”

junyoung’s worried voice cuts into his racing thoughts and yuchan manages a small, wan smile. his friend winces as he takes a seat next to him. “nightmare again?”

yuchan doesn’t bother trying to cover it up, knowing it would all be in vain if the gleam in junyoung’s eyes is anything to go by. “yup. Really bad.” he wants to elaborate, but finds the words stuck in his throat, nastier than phlegm when he gets the sniffles. he clears it fruitlessly, as if it would magically make him cough out all the repressed feelings, the fears, the sadness.

but yuchan also doesn’t feel like breaking down in the courtyard, where people can see, and consequently talk, is a good idea. he can’t drag his friend even further into his messes- he’s already more involved than he should be. if it were up to him, yuchan would prefer simply tucking away all his problems for later, until later couldn’t be pushed back anymore and he could just fuck things up so spectacularly that it erases the original problem and leaves him a new one to fumble with.

he exhales through his nose, shoulders heavy and chin curled to his chest. he can practically hear junyoung’s concern skyrocket, the air around them turning gloomy to match his mood.

“yuchan, talk to me. keeping things to yourself has never ever been a good idea. remember that time you tried to hide your dog’s passing from me?” he says, and yuchan hates him for caring. he stubbornly does not meet junyoung’s eyes, knowing that if he did, everything would spill out like a flooding river, holding too much because he felt too much and too deeply. junyoung’s i-care-about-you-so-don’t-push-me-away voice has always had that effect, ever since they were kids.

“is it donghun?”

he inhales sharply and curses himself for reacting. junyoung shuffles closer still, fabric rustling. “talk to me. I’m here, you’re not alone.” he says, his hand a grounding weight on his shoulder.

yuchan feels his resolve waning. he’s never been able to keep things a secret from his oldest friend.

“he… he’s in love with someone else.”

Haltingly, the words stumble from his mouth, tearing up his vocal cords along the way. It hurts to acknowledge it in his mind where no one else can hear, but to say it out loud is even worse.

supposedly he’s donghun’s soulmate. but that doesn’t mean anything if donghun is already devoted to someone else; someone who practically grew up with him and knew all his hurts and worries, all his little secrets and quirks. someone who understands completely.

yuchan is a stranger. he doesn’t know anything other than the bare bones of information fed to him by yumi-ssi, and the brief dream-memories that have kept him up at night, thinking and wondering into dangerous paths. all he knows is based on second hand experience; not something that donghun told him or showed him directly. he has no real connection to him at all.

and that… that hurts. his eyes widen in realization, burning with new tears as if he hasn’t cried enough for the past few days.

warmth suddenly envelops him, his vision going dark. he realizes with a start that he’s being hugged, face pressed into junyoung’s shirt. he didn't know how desperately he wanted to be comforted that more tears fall unrestrained, a broken sob clawing out from him. his own voice is unrecognizable- everything seeming like an out-of-body experience; like the memories he sees at night.

he curls further into junyoung’s broad frame, implicitly trusting him to protect him from… from what? what threatens him other than his own mind, he thinks dully.

no matter. nothing can hurt more than the fact that he might have lost his soulmate before they could even meet properly.

no amount of reassurances from junhee or junyoung or byeongkwan would make it better. they were not donghun- they never would be, no matter how much they claim to know how he works or how soulmates work.

shamefully, he hides in the comfort of his friend, unsure of anything else to do.


End file.
